


Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

by rogertaylorsbrian



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Band Fic, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt John Deacon, Hurt Roger Taylor (Queen), Hurt/Comfort, Husbands, John Deacon centric, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 11:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18498151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogertaylorsbrian/pseuds/rogertaylorsbrian
Summary: Based on this prompt: "(TW: miscarriage) John is a couple of weeks pregnant when he loses the baby. He's completely depressed. The boys try to support him but he rejects them. When Roger -who already has an adorable son- tells him he's going to be ok, John lashes out "You have NO idea what's like to lose a baby!" Except Roger does. He'd a couple of miscarriage before his son (he already knew he was at higher risk) but never told anyone, not even Brian because it would have destroyed him."





	Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Miscarriage!  
> So at the end the queen members have children, i tried to keep it with their canon children so maylor end up having like 8! and deacury have 6.

 

 

 

 

_“I’m sorry Mr.Deacon, but there’s no heartbeat.”_

‘No heartbeat.’ The words replaying in John’s mind constantly, as if days before his baby, his and Freddie’s baby, wasn’t moving around and alive inside of him. He had heard his baby’s heartbeat just last week for christ sake! And this doctor was going to tell him that he no longer had a baby?

 

John immediately bought his hand to his swollen stomach.

 

“No- no that can’t be right, we’re already twenty weeks along, tell him, Freddie, our baby is fine!” John tries, but when he looks over at his husband, he sees that Freddie is trying desperately to keep it together for John.

 

“I know this is a hard time for you, I suggest you take your time and know that this wasn’t your fault-“ the doctor tells John, but his words are drowned out by the sound of his own sobs.

 

“Of course this was my fault, I'm the one who was carrying our baby, who else’s fault could it have possibly be?” he yells, voice cracking.

 

He feels Freddie try to grab at his hand, to comfort him, but it feels like fire against his skin, and he pulls back instantly.

 

“Don’t touch me!” John yells, feeling worse when he sees the dejected look on Freddie’s face. But he can’t help it, he lost Freddie’s baby, he doesn’t deserve to get touched.

 

“John, sweetheart, it wasn’t your fault, I promise you that these things happen all the time and there’s nothing we could have done differently.” Freddie tried, but it fell on deaf ears and all he got in response was a noise so sad coming out of John that it made his heartbreak.

 

“There are steps we have to take now, you’re far enough along now John that if you choose to, you can have a c-section to remove the fetus, this way you can have your moments with them. Or we can terminate the fetus if seeing it would be too emotionally distressing for you.” the doctor explained, though it felt to John as if he were underwater and he couldn’t hear.

 

“I’ll give you both a minute.” the doctor said before leaving the room.

 

The silence was deafening, and neither of the boys wanted to speak, but it was Freddie that cleared his throat, “John...”

 

“I don’t know what to do.” John squeaked out before completely falling apart, the sobs wracking his body and bouncing around the room. The sound was enough to break Freddie also, the older man tried to keep it together for his husband but the grief was too much. Freddie slowly made his way close to John, and this time John fell into his arms, pulling Freddie closer to him and burying his face into his neck as they both cried together.

 

“We were ready for our baby, we have all of their stuff at home ready, why did this have to happen to us?” John sobbed out, gripping onto Freddie tightly.

 

“I don’t know darling, it’s not fair, but we have to figure out what to do so we can go on from there.” Freddie sniffed, his tears slowing down once he realized it was distressing John even more.

 

“I want to meet them, I want to remember our first baby, I want to do the c-section if that’s okay with you,” John said while looking up at Freddie with tears in his eyes.

 

“You don’t have to ask if I’m okay with it sweetheart, it’s your choice and I’m perfectly okay with what you decide.”

 

***

A few hours later, John was getting stitched up while the doctors prepared their baby to be held and whatnot. Freddie didn’t leave John’s side the whole time, even when he caught a glimpse of their child and had to bite his tongue to choke back sobs.

 

Once they got back to the little hospital room, it takes a couple more minutes before the doctor walks in holding a small bundle. John feels his heart drop and he can already tell that their baby is way too small and not formed well enough to be alive.

 

He looks at Freddie with a panicked expression, not knowing what to do in this situation, and Freddie doesn’t know either so he takes his husbands hand and squeezes tight.

 

“Would you like to know the gender?” the doctor asks softly. John and Freddie wanted the gender to be a surprise, but this was it now so they both looked at each other before nodding.

 

“He’s a boy.”

 

John scrunched his eyes shut, letting out a broken sob, his chest feeling indescribably tight.

 

He feels Freddie’s hand shaking against his own, and knows he’s feeling the same grief he is now.

 

“Which of you would like to hold him first?”

 

John looks at Freddie, and back at the doctor before holding his arms out to hold their baby.

 

The doctor walks over and places the small bundle in John’s arms. John closes his eyes for a few seconds before opening them and looking down at their son. He was small and discolored, but he was still their son.

 

Looking down at him, John felt so much love and he felt Freddie rest his head against his shoulder.

 

“That’s our baby darling, look at him, he would’ve been so much like you honey.” Freddie sniffled.

 

“He would’ve had your eyes Fred, and your beautiful smile,” John said fondly, before turning his attention back to their son.

 

“I know you’ll never get to meet us, not like we wanted, but even if we never get to witness your first breaths, you are so loved, so loved.” John whispers, voice thick with tears.

 

John cradled him again, before passing him over to Freddie, broken at the sight of him holding their son. Perfect family.

 

“Hello, little Michael. That’s what your name was going to be if you were a boy. And you are aren’t you,” Freddie whispered, “I wish we had the chance to see you smile, hear your heartbeat again, but I know that you weren’t meant to be on this earth. Everything happens for a reason as messed up as it sounds, and we know that you’re meant for heaven.”

 

They spent the next few hours with him, snapping photos, and saying their goodbyes. They inked his feet and printed them on paper, to keep part of him forever. They agreed that they would have him cremated and that they would spread his ashes in the garden outside their house, to keep him close to home.

 

The doctors came in to take him away for the last time, and that’s when John realized he would never see his son again, and he started hyperventilating, feeling his chest close.

 

“They can’t take him, Freddie, they can’t take our son, he’s ours.” John sobbed, which broke Freddie’s heart, but he knew he had to make a decision for both of them.

 

“John, darling please, you have to hand him over. I know it’s hard but by doing this you’re just making it harder for yourself.” Freddie tried to reason with him, but John didn’t look like he was going to agree to give their son over to the doctor any time soon.

 

“John, give me him,” he said, sternly.

 

John reluctantly passed Michael over to Freddie, and he felt as though he was losing a piece of himself when he did.

The next few hours went by like a blur full of paperwork, tears, and nurses coming to check up on him. He felt so useless, laying in bed while Freddie was off dealing with everything. He kept placing his hand on his stomach, expecting to feel a kick but hissing in pain when his hand fell upon his fresh stitches.

 

A nurse then came in and she was one that John hadn’t seen before and started writing on John’s medical chart.

 

“Hi John, I’m Sam, I specialize in situations like yours, how are you feeling?” she said, looking up at him and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

John sighed, “not great, I feel like I’m living a nightmare.”

 

She gave him a sad smile, “It feels like that, but there are ways for coping, I’ve got a few pamphlets for you. They’re for support groups for those who have had this same struggle, It’s worth looking into.” she said as she handed over the papers.

 

John felt sick just looking at them, but he still tucked them away, “thank you.”

 

She gave him one more smile before leaving the room leaving him by himself to think about things.

 

He wanted to scream until his lungs gave out but all he could do is stare up at the ceiling, no tears, just feeling numb. He felt empty without his baby inside of him.

 

He heard someone come through the door and turned on his side, facing away from whoever it was.

 

“John?”

 

John quickly turned back around to see whose voice it was, and was pleasantly surprised to see Roger standing at far the side of the room with red puffy eyes.

 

“...Rog,” he whispered, the tears already building up, starting to leave marks on his face. Within seconds, John was in Roger’s arms, crying silently into the blond man’s chest.

 

“I don’t know what happened Rog, he was perfectly fine yesterday,” he said between gasps, finding it hard to breathe.

 

“I know John, these things just happen and it’s shit, it’s not fair, don’t let anyone tell you it is.”

 

John could tell by the tone in his voice that he was crying with him. He knows it’s sympathy for him, and that Roger must be thinking about what it would have been like if he were to have miscarried his son.

 

“Where’s Rufus, Rog? Is he with Bri?” he questioned. He missed the small three-year-old but he doesn’t think he could handle seeing Roger and Brian’s son at the moment.

 

“He’s out in the waiting room, we didn’t want him to upset you by saying something he doesn’t understand yet,” Roger explained, running a hand through John’s hair, combing the tangles out.

 

John just nodded, not trusting his voice to be able to convey his thoughts.

 

“We got to see him Deacy, your little baby, I just-“

 

“Please, don’t Roger, just leave it.” He said harshly before turning around once again, leaving Roger standing by the side of the bed, confused about the sudden change of behavior from his younger friend.

 

“Okay I’ll send Fred back in, okay sweetheart?” he said as he placed a hand on John’s shoulder, but it was shrugged off followed by a small hum of approval. Roger took that as his cue to leave, and John could hear the blond stifle a cry as he left the room.

 

As John laid by himself with the sounds of beeping machines, he put his hand on his stomach where he used to feel his baby kick, only to feel nothing, and he doesn’t think he can ever get used to this feeling.

 

-

 

The funeral is a week later, and the days leading up to it, John can’t bring himself to get out of bed, instead, he lays down clutching the ultrasound pictures they had when Michael was still alive. He knows that Freddie needs comforting just as much as he does, but he can’t bring himself to talk to anyone, let alone the man he has let down. Roger and Brian come to visit him, but the chatter of little Rufus out in the living room with Freddie just breaks his heart, even more, making him long for something he doesn’t have.

 

The day of the funeral rushes by in a blur, and John feels like he’s going to throw up when he sees the tiny coffin that stood at the front of the room, it’s like a sick joke but no one is laughing.

 

His still slightly swollen stomach brought nothing but pain, and he just wants it to be over by now.

 

The ceremony was small, just immediate family and close friends, and that’s already more than John can handle. He ends up sitting in silence, feeling numb and only having to speak when absolutely necessary. Before he knows it, it’s his and Freddie’s turn to get up and speak in front of everyone. He looks over at his husband, who looks just as terrified as John feels, and takes hold of his hand, anything to anchor him to reality.

 

As they stand up the front, looking down at all their grief-stricken friends and family members, John has never felt so small. But he knows that he needs to do this for their son.

 

“Michael Farrokh Mercury, even though I never got to see your first breath, hear your first cry, or feel your warm skin, I’m so glad I had been blessed the chance to meet you before we lay you to rest today,” it’s getting harder to speak, the tears rushing down his face and voice thick with emotion making it an almost impossible task, “I- I can’t put it into words what I would have done for you to still be with us today, but you’re with the angels in heaven now, and in a way, that’s where you belong, because you are my little angel. I love you now, and I love you forever and I know you’ll live on in my heart.”

 

He leans against Freddie, the older man basically holding him up at this point, and buries his face into his shoulder, trying to muffle his tears.

 

“My beautiful husband couldn’t have said it better, while I would have traded my life for you to live, you weren’t ready for this world my little boy. I don’t think there are any describable words to explain the feelings a parent faces when losing a child, it’s like losing a piece of yourself, and nothing could ever prepare you for it. Bismillah Michael, for we will meet again one day.” Freddie said, the end slurred in tears.

 

The last thing John remembers from that day is watching the coffin getting lowered into the ground, after that he took it upon himself to get plastered. He knew it wasn’t right, he should be with his friends, letting them help but he just wants to forget, to feel something other than numbness, and the burning taste of vodka helps. It was what he needed to be able to breathe again, but soon one shot turned into five which turned into more. It all ended with a distraught Freddie helping him home. 

 

Pity. That’s all he got lately. Pity that he was now a parent of a dead kid. He doesn’t want their pity. He just wants it to be over.

 

-

 

John spends the next few weeks inconsolable, he won’t let Freddie touch him in an intimate way, he doesn’t contribute to band discussions, he hardly touches his bass, and he can’t stand to be around Roger and Brian’s son. He doesn’t want to behave this way, but he can’t snap out of it, feels too broken to function correctly and there’s nothing anyone can do to help. He knows his husband is hurting too, he hears the sobs that come from their empty nursery, but he can’t bring himself to be a source of comfort for him when he can’t even comfort himself. He feels like a shitty husband.

 

“John dear, time to get up.” he hears Freddie sing from the hallway, and John wants to throw a pillow at the older mans face for disturbing him. He had just gotten to sleep and that’s when his husband chose to wake him up.

 

“Go away Fred,” he yelled.

 

“I won’t go away, we have a full day ahead of us, and we have to meet Rog and Bri in the studio later,” he replied to John as he made his way into their bedroom, opening the blinds and letting the sunlight stream through.

 

“I’m serious Freddie, fuck off let me sleep.” he mutters, burying his face into the pillows trying to block out the brightness of the sun.

 

“Nope, you have five minutes to get up before I rip the blankets off of you,” he says threateningly before heading downstairs to the kitchen.

 

John curses under his breath before reluctantly getting out of bed, not bothering to get changed out of his pajamas before making his way downstairs. Freddie greets him with a cup of coffee, and he can’t keep away the fond smile that falls upon his face. He knows he’s been difficult these past weeks, but the fact that his husband continued to treat him so well throughout everything means so much to him. He leans over to give Freddie a kiss on the cheek, and can’t help but notice how happy he looks from a simple form of affection, and the guilt eats at him. He’s been neglecting the older man so much lately.

 

“What do you have planned today Fred?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

 

“I thought we could go to that little ice-cream parlor that you love so much and take a stroll together, fresh air and everything, sound like a good idea honey?” he asks excitedly.

 

It doesn’t sound like a good idea, not to John, he wants to stay home and lay about, but he has let Freddie down enough lately so he forces a smile, “It sounds great.”

 

It sounds very forced, but if Freddie notices he doesn’t say anything, instead he ushers John up the stairs to get dressed. It takes longer than it usually does for John to get ready, but he can’t seem to move his feet past a drag and ends up taking an hour to just get out the door.

 

They make their way to the small ice cream shop and Freddie orders their usual, mint choc chip for him and plain vanilla for John. He takes the ice treat with a small smile, but doesn’t make an effort to enjoy it, instead, he is eating it to please Freddie.

 

They walk around the pathway nearby, holding hands while Freddie would ramble about whatever interests him at the moment, while John listened quietly, he only engaged when necessary.

 

They walked around for near an hour before Freddie looked at the time, “Oh dear, we’re meant to be at the studio in ten minutes, I think Bri and Rog will understand if we’re a bit late.”

 

“I think we’ll still get there before they do.” John joked slightly, not missing the way Freddie’s eyes brightened at him, and the smile on his face seemed bigger than he had seen it in a while before he let out a laugh.

 

“I bet you’re right dear,” he replied, grateful for the small bit of lightness in the conversation. 

 

-

 

Turns out John was right, and by the time they get to the studio, it takes a further twenty minutes before an exasperated Roger runs through the door, Brian following not long after holding Rufus in his arms.

 

“Sorry lads, the sitter didn’t show up and it took a little longer to get here than we thought.” Roger panted out, trying to catch his breath.

 

John would’ve laughed at the sight, but he just gave Roger a slight smile and told him that it’s okay, even if the sight of their little son broke his heart. The blond man then took it upon himself to get up and hug the bassist. It lingered for a little while longer than usual before John pulled back and gave his friend a puzzled look. Roger just smiled before making his way back over to Brian, and the older man looked equally confused by the show of affection but shrugged it off.

 

Before John could say anything, he heard small feet running towards him, “Unc Deacy!”

 

“Ruf!” he yelled out, trying to put on a happy face for the young child. This is the first time he’s seen him since that day at the hospital and although it hurts to see such a perfect little boy, he loves his nephew so much.

 

He scooped him up into his arms giving him a big hug, before letting him sit back on his lap.

 

“I missed you!” Rufus yelled at him, before being reminded by Brian to ‘use your inside voice’.

 

“Sorry, Papa.”

 

Hearing the word papa was enough to put a lump in John’s throat, but he coughed to cover up any suspicion and turned his attention back to the small boy in his lap.

 

“How have you been buddy?” he asked.

 

“Good! Dada was teaching me how to use his drums, I’m getting really good!” he exclaimed, excitement clear in his voice.

 

John looked over at Roger, and the blond man nodded with a smile, “he’s a prodigy, ready to take my place in the band I reckon.”

 

He turns his attention back to Rufus, “what happened to being my little bassist huh?”

 

“Sorry Unc Deacy, Dada said drums are better than bass,” he said with a giggle, clearly letting out a secret.

 

“Oh did he now?” he asked, looking at the spluttering drummer, who was trying to come up with an excuse, causing the people in the room to chuckle.

 

In the midst of all the laughter, he didn’t notice Rufus leaning down to touch his stomach before it was too late.

 

“Unc Deacy, where did your belly go?”

 

It was an innocent question, but John felt the air get sucked out of him and felt a panic coming. Brian took the time to pick Rufus up and off of John’s lap, taking him and putting him in the little corner they have filled with toys for when he came by before making his way back over to where they were all standing.

 

John couldn’t breathe, it was such an unexpected question that he couldn’t have been prepared for and he felt like he was physically breaking apart.

 

“John-“ Freddie tried to start comforting him but was interrupted.

 

“Stop! Just stop Freddie, you don’t understand!” he yelled, looking down as he tried to catch his breath.

 

“Of course I do! But I haven’t just lost a son, I feel like I’m losing you too and there is nothing I can do about it!” he yelled back, “please John, tell me what to do.”

 

“Just leave me alone, that’s what you can do,” he muttered, but it had such power in it that it made Freddie take a step back as if his words actually hurt him.

 

“C’mon John, I know this is hard but it’s going to be okay.” Roger tried to help, but it made something snap inside of John.

 

“Jesus Roger, what would you know? You don’t know how this feels, you have your perfect son, you have no idea what it’s like to lose a baby!” he screamed, his chest heaving, leaving the room silent.

 

He was about to speak but he stopped when he heard Roger start to whisper.

 

“August 1970, February 1972, July 1975.” he listed, confusing everyone.

 

“What are you talking about?” John asked, still annoyed. He heard the shortness in Rogers breath but didn’t think anything of it.

 

“August 1970. February 1972. July 1975.” he stated again, but this time John understood what he meant, and he felt like he had been slapped across the face.

 

“Rog...” Brian whispered, but Roger just shook his head, not looking up.

 

“I knew growing up that I had a high chance of miscarriage, way higher than the normal rate, it was something that was passed down in my family but I didn’t want to let that fear stop me from having a baby.” he said, a bit louder than before but still refusing to look at his husband “I couldn’t tell anyone, it wasn’t their burden to have, it was mine!”

 

John saw the tears starting to build up in Roger’s eyes, and couldn’t stop himself from matching.

 

“I’m sorry Bri.” he choked out, finally looking over at the taller man, “I’m so fucking sorry that I never told you any of this, but I knew it would’ve hurt you when it didn’t need to. I couldn’t have put you through that.”

 

John looked over at Brian and saw the older mans face furrowed in confusion, “what are you trying to tell me, Rog? That you’ve had three miscarriages before Ruf? Three babies that were lost...”

 

Upon seeing Rogers teary nod, Brian let’s out a choked laugh, and John can tell already that he doesn’t seem to be handling this very well.

 

“And you didn’t think to tell me this? Fuck Rog, they were my babies too!” he said, pacing the small room. John feels sick and immediately reaches out to grab Freddie’s hand, the tight grip of the older man calms him down enough to be able to breathe once again. He feels awful for his friends, especially Roger, he understands where the younger man is coming from even though he knows it would have been better for him to tell his husband rather than keep this secret all these years.

 

“I’m sorry Bri, please, I didn’t want to hurt you, that’s why I didn’t tell you.” Roger tried to explain, stumbling over his words as the tears flowed from his face.

 

“I need a smoke,” Brian states, before grabbing his jacket and exiting the room, leaving behind a distraught Roger. John looks at Freddie and watches as the older man looks at where Brian disappeared.

 

“I’ll go check if he’s alright.” Freddie said before going over to Rog and giving him a kiss on his forehead, “how brave you are dear, everything will be fine, I just imagine he would be a bit shocked right now.”

 

Roger nodded in agreement, trying to slow his crying, and motioned for Freddie to go check on Brian.

 

Once the two oldest men were out of the room, it was almost easier for John and Roger to talk about what had happened, with just the sound of Rufus playing in the background.

 

“Why didn’t you tell any of us, Rog? I can’t imagine going through all that and having no support..” he whispered, trying not to say anything that would upset Roger further.

 

“It was so hard Deacs, at first I didn’t want to tell anyone too early in the pregnancy because of the risk I knew I had, but then it didn’t matter anyway, because once I hit the 10week mark, I began bleeding,” Roger paused to try and catch his breath, and John reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“I went to the doctors straight away, and he confirmed my fear that I had miscarried. It was stupid, I didn’t even want to be pregnant at the time, we were both so young and with the band, our lives were too crazy, but it hurt so much. And having to go home and pretend everything was fine? That’s what killed me, but I had to smile through it,” he sobbed, “now none of it matters anyway because Brian is sure to hate me because of this.”

 

John immediately got up to hug the blond man, and he felt Roger bury his face into his neck, trying to muffle the tears, “Shh, it’s okay, Brian could never hate you, that man looks at you like you personally put the stars that he loves so much up in the sky.” he promised.

 

They stayed like that a little while longer before John felt something holding his and Rogers legs and looked down to see Rufus hugging them.

 

“Unc Deacy, Dada, you okay?” he asked, worry in his small chubby face.

 

Roger cleared his throat before picking up his son, “I’m okay baby, I’ve got you!” he said before hugging him tightly.

 

“I can’t breathe!” Rufus exclaimed.

 

“It’s because I love you so much,” Roger yelled back, and John now knows why Brian has to remind Rufus of an inside voice so constantly, “I think Uncle Deacy needs a hug too.”

 

John nodded in agreement, and took his nephew from Roger, hugging him just as tight.

 

“Do you love me too Unc Deacy?” he asked.

 

“Of course I do munchkin,” he said back, giving his blond curly head a kiss.

 

The moment was over when they heard the door open, seeing the two older men come back through. John hears Roger’s breath hitch as Brian makes his way over, and it’s obvious the taller man had been crying due to the puffy red eyes he was sporting.

 

“Bri, I’m sorry, I know I should have-“ Roger was cut off by Brian leaning down and kissing him, and John was glad it looked like he came to his senses. They broke apart, but Brian kept Roger in his arms, his forehead resting on the shorter mans.

 

“I shouldn’t have reacted like that, I was just hurt Rog, I wish that you felt like you could have told me that all this was happening but I also understand the reason you didn’t. I love you so much angel, and I love our little family that you have blessed me with,” he said softly, holding Rogers face in his hands.

 

Roger let out a sigh of relief, “I love you too Bri, you and Ruf are my world.”

 

John felt Rufus squirming in his arms and realized he wanted to be with his parents, so he put him down and let him run over to them, watching as they both picked up him up and hugged each other tightly, both kissing the young boy with them.

 

“John dear.” he heard Freddie say and turned his attention to him.

 

Instead of listening, John walked over to Freddie, jumped up and hugged him, almost knocking them both over.

 

“I love you, Freddie, I love you so much and I’m sorry I haven’t been showing you lately, I just have been lost but I shouldn’t be shutting you out as I have been,” he said, voice muffled in Freddie’s neck.

 

“It’s okay darling, I just want you to be happy, I love you Deacs,” Freddie replied, giving John a chaste kiss, but it spoke a thousand words.

 

“Unc Deacy, Unc Fred!”

 

John looked down at Rufus by his feet and leaned down to pick him up, passing him to Freddie, letting the older man hug him.

 

John might not have the family he planned to have by this point, but he still had a family, and that’s all that mattered.

 

-

 

*ten years later*

 

“Okay everyone behave! We’re here for Ruf’s birthday so don’t go too crazy.” John huffed, finally making his way to the door of Brian and Roger’s house. He looked behind him and started counting off, “okay, one, two, three, four... okay where is Laura?”

 

“I have her dear,” Freddie yelled out, holding their daughter's hand and almost dragging her up the stairs.

 

“Laura, how have you managed to get dirty already?” he asked, bending down to wipe the mud off his daughter’s face.

 

“Sorry daddy, Luke told me that he saw a bunny in the bushes over there and I wanted to go find it!” she exclaimed, looking pointedly at Luke.

 

The seven-year-old looked over at John sheepishly, “sorry dad.”

 

“Luke you know better, look at Cameron and Joshua and how well behaved they are,” he said, as he looked over he saw the two mentioned wrestling, trying to get to the door first.

 

“Never mind, the only good one is Robert,” he sighed, looking down at the sleeping three-year-old in his arms, making Freddie come over and put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“It’s okay dear, they’re my children, what did you expect?” he laughed. John rolled his eyes at his husband, before chuckling with him.

 

Finally, he knocked on the door before letting himself in, “hello?”

 

“Uncle Deacy! Uncle Fred!” he heard Rufus yell before he looked at Freddie and noticed how he was almost barrelled over by the force of the hug he was greeted with. John just chuckled, looking at his nephew's antics.

 

“Rufus! Happy birthday, now where is my hug?” John said, only to be hugged a few seconds later, a much softer hug, Rufus being careful of the sleeping child between them.

 

“How old are you now Ruf? Eight?” John joked, ruffling the younger boys hair with his free hand.

 

“C’mon, I’m thirteen now!” he yelled back.

 

“Rufus! You know your papa wouldn’t be happy with you not using your inside voice.” Roger said from the stairs, waddling down.

 

John was taken aback with how much the blonds stomach has grown since the last time he had seen him.

 

“Roger, you’re huge!” Freddie said, wincing as John punched his arm, “I mean, you’re glowing?”

 

“It’s okay Fred,” Roger laughed, “having twins comes with its differences and this is one of them.”

 

John watched as Freddie made his way over to Roger and placed his hands on the blonds stomach.

 

“Are my darlings doing okay?” he asked, concern written on his face. Ever since the day they found out it was more likely for Roger to miscarriage, they took extra care around him. 

 

“They’re fine Fred, promise,” Roger assured. 

 

Roger had gone through two other miscarriages before the twins, and each broke the blond a little bit more, but he had support this time, which made him feel so much better than before.

 

John looked around for the other members of the Taylor-May household and noticed Brian sitting in the family room with Rory, Lola, Jimmy, and Louisa.

 

“Brian, hi,” he said, making his way over, and sitting next to the curly-haired man only to be tackled by four rambunctious children.

 

“Hello crazy bunch!” he said underneath the laughter, slightly breathless. Rory was the next born after Rufus, followed by Jimmy, then Louisa and then Lola was the most recent but was still 4 years old. John liked to joke that it was rarer for Roger to not be pregnant than actually being pregnant.

 

“Where’s Emily?” John asked, looking around for the two-year-old.

 

“She’s sleeping, it was nap time for her, tired out already,” Brian said, yawning himself.

 

“Looks like you could use a nap too Bri,” John said, concerned of the bags under his friend's eyes.

 

“Of course I could, six kids and a husband pregnant with twins tend to wear a man out,” he joked, “but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

 

“Try having five kids and being pregnant,” he admitted.

 

Brian looked up, shocked at what John just said, “pregnant... John, you’re pregnant?”

 

John smiled, “ten weeks along now.” he smiled, then he noticed Roger and Freddie finally making their way over, followed by the other four kids. 

 

“Did I just hear what I think I heard?” Roger asked, “are you actually pregnant?”

 

Freddie answered for him, “he’s two months along now darling! Only the one baby, no twins for us.”

 

“This is amazing news! Congratulations!” Brian said, hugging the younger man. Roger also made his way over to hug him, even though it was difficult with his belly getting in the way.

 

“This is the best birthday ever!” Rufus exclaimed, and the rest of the kids started screaming, as excited as they always were when a new addition was announced.

 

“Okay! Time for the kids to go outside!” Brian yelled, chasing them out as his exasperated husband followed along with Freddie not far behind. John made his way upstairs to lay Robert down next to Emily so the two younger children can sleep before going outside to join the others.

 

The kids played in the large backyard as the four adults sat on the veranda that wrapped around the back.

 

“We found out the genders the other day, would you like to know?” Roger asked.

 

John and Freddie nodded quickly, desperately wanting to find out.

 

“Baby number one is a...” in classic Roger Taylor style, he did a small drumroll on the table, “a girl!”

 

“A girl! Wonderful! Does that mean..?” Freddie asked, holding his breath.

 

“Yes Fred, we’re going to call her Tiger Lily, just as you wanted,” Brian admitted, watching the smile that appeared on the man’s face.

 

“Yes!” Freddie yelled.

 

“And baby number two?” John asked, dying to know.

 

“Baby number two is...” another drum roll, making John roll his eyes, “a boy!” 

 

“We’re calling him Felix. Felix _Michael_ Taylor-May...” Brian said quietly. 

 

John felt his breath hitch, and tears come to his eyes, but it was mostly out of happiness of his first child being remembered.

 

“That’s.. It’s beautiful, thank you both,” John muttered, reaching over to grab Roger’s hand.

 

They sat like that a while longer, before Brian and Freddie joined the rest of the family out in the backyard. Roger and John watched as their families played together, and both knew that this is what their lives were meant to be. As much as they both wished that they were blessed to have their lost children, they were so glad for the children they still had and the families they made within each other.


End file.
